wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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