tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
