Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
