I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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