I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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