the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize