I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
