Umm I'm too high to move.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
