Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
