She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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