Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
