So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
