How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
