I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
