I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
