This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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