But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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