Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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