i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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