Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
