I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
