Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
