Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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