Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
