Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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