dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize