smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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