I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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