I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
