I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
