the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
