Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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