Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you will always have a special place in my vag
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
