K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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