why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
