it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
