I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
40s are totally the cure
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
