I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize