the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
