oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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