Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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