I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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