I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they need to just BURY HIM!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
