Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
