you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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