I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
