she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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