she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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