Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
