OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
