I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
