Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
