oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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