how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
