I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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