found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
being pregnant is like rehab
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
