Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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