can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
