I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
