& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
