Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
