I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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