I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
