we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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