My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
