We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize