you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
