Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
