We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
