I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
