did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
