I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
