the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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