I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
