This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize