it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
