So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
