Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
