i already hear my dad disowning me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
