Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
