so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
