Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
