last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
