She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
