1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
