Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize