you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The power of my boobs compel you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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