What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
