the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
