Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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