I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
