Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Enjoy the penises
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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