oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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