My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
