i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
