So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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