You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
