I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
