About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
