If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
