Can Purell be used as lube?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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