you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She bit a glass in half.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I deserve this hangover.
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