i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
