How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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