today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
