3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
