she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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