I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize