Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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