my mouth tastes like poor choices
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
